How We Should Behave in Church – Fr. Pimen Vlad

Listen to a very necessary (unfortunately) and (fortunately) discerning word from Father Pimen Vlad about our presence in church.

Enjoy!

Look, dear ones, we meet again. What I would like to tell you now, is concerning a few things… not rules, because I am not one for rules, you’ve seen this, those of you who know me from my videos—but… there are some things that are good to know about going to church.

So, we go to church. Why do we go to church? We don’t go for the priest, nor to buy candles, or to meet others. We go to meet God, to talk to Him at His house. God invites us to His house. Yes, it is God’s house and He invites us there to talk with Him. See how much honor God gives us and yet we find it hard to go. He invites us to His house and gives us what is most valuable. Consider that at the Divine Liturgy: the Body and Blood of Christ, yes… for eternal life, yet we attend with indifference, halfway through the service, we yawn, fall asleep, chat with one another, we look at how others are dressed, we judge that the priest isn’t as people wish him to be, the chanters are not so good, their voices aren’t good enough, that is, we just focus on external things. We do not go to say, “Look, Lord, I’ve come too! Lord, you know my troubles and joys, Lord, look, I have come to tell You this and that, Lord!” To delve deeper and talk to God.

I recall a story I read recently about a man who went to church and said, “Father, this is the last time I come to church.”

“But why, brother, why won’t you come to church anymore?”

“I’ve figured it out with the Church. I’ve been coming for so long, and look at what I see: the chanter doesn’t have a good voice, the old ladies are talking in the back. I’ve seen that this didn’t benefit me in any way. I saw someone doing (this and that), I saw…”

And the father answered, “Well, if that’s your decision, so be it.” But before you leave, I want you to do one thing.”

“Yes, father, tell me what.”

And [the priest] filled a glass to the brim, and said, “I want you to go around the church three times but without spilling a drop.”

“Alright, father!”

The man took the glass, holding it carefully. Every tremor threatened to spill its contents, and he had promised the father he would succeed. In the end, he managed to complete three laps around the church, at a snail’s pace, as they say, and [he said], “Look, father, I did it.”

“Good. Now, while you walked around the church, what did you see?”

“What was there to see, father?”

“What did you see around the church? The cemetery is there, did you see that they were taking a dead man to the grave? Did you see someone working nearby?”

“Forgive me, father, but I didn’t see anything!”

“But what did you see?”

“I only saw the glass. I was very careful not to spill a drop.”

“But did you hear what the other people were saying?”

“Who?”

“Those people mourning the dead?”

“I didn’t hear anything, father, I was very focused there.”

“You see all that has happened around you, and yet you heard and saw nothing. You were focused. Be just as focused during the service and see if you still notice what others are doing, whether the chanter is good or not, whether others are talking. Why not approach your conversation with God in the same way?”

Do you understand, dear ones? This is what we must do in our conversation with God. We must set aside everything around us, calm ourselves, gather our thoughts, and remember we stand before God, invited to His table [His feast]. Consider the respect we owe: we enter God’s house, not a barn. We must be beautiful and pure, because we have been invited by God. Our shoes should be tidy, free of mud, otherwise we dirty God’s house.

We walk with reverence, with respect, we do not argue or push each other in church, we go and venerate nicely. If there are many people in the front, we do not push to the front but venerate the icons in the back and remain still. We try not to disturb or speak, for God is present. What do we do? We speak over Him? God speaks to us and we pass Him over, we disregard Him.

Another thing I saw, besides this; In the Church you need to dress with respect, we must not wear shorts or short sleeves. Let’s show a little respect. We are not at the beach, or just anywhere. A little respect, as I’ve said… because if we show respect, we receive help too. You’ll see how much respect God gives us. Let’s dress properly when we go to church, try this! Men should wear long pants and long-sleeved shirts, nicely dressed. How nice it is to see all the men in long pants and shirts, not in tank tops or T-shirts.

Women, too, should dress decently. You are going to talk to God, you must dress accordingly. I do not want to go into details, to offend, but please consider this. Many say, “Father, it’s good enough that I come to church the way I do!” But if it’s possible in a better way, why not? Okay, some may not know better, and that’s exactly why I share these things, so that you don’t need to be reprimanded by someone in church and to get upset. I would like you to know these things in advance.

Think, “I am going to God’s house; I will wear a skirt that covers my knees, if possible. I won’t wear tight clothes that might disturb those around me, and if possible, a small headscarf, something light on the head—that’s what suits a woman well. Take the example of the Mother of God. And go there with respect. If you don’t want to walk down the street wearing it, no problem, you put it in your purse, but at the entrance of the church, put it on your head, out of honor and respect for God and the Mother of God. The act of covering your head signifies humility, it means that you go in the house of the Lord with humility, and you will see how much benefit you receive.

After that, we go to the antidoron. Let’s go the same way, with respect. I’ve often seen the antidoron slip through the fingers; that is not right. We have a priest at our main church, a long-serving priest, abbot of a cell, who always admonishes those who come with open hands when he gives out the antidoron: “Here’s how you do it: left hand underneath, right hand on top!” This way, you receive it with honor and respect. Once you have it, do not transfer it from hand to hand in order to cross yourself; cross yourself as much as you want beforehand. After you take it, eat it right away. In many places in Romania, I’ve seen people put it in a napkin or a small bag. If you lack those, simply take it in your hand and eat it. Do not make the sign of the cross again until you have finished. Once you are done, you may continue to bow and cross yourself, but always do so with respect.

When we go to Holy Communion, again we must go with respect, with care, and attention. We should not see anything around us; we are going to receive Christ. So then, let’s go without [a candle]. In our country, it is customary in many places to carry a candle when you receive Holy Communion. But think about it: everyone is attentive to their candles, not to burn someone or set their hair on fire, not [attentive] to receiving Christ. Light as many candles as you want in the back, before the Divine Liturgy begins. Bring three, five, or however many you desire, but when you approach for Communion, go attentively. When you get there, don’t make the sign of the cross in front of the Holy Chalice, as there have been instances where this has led to hitting the Holy Chalice and spilling, to doing something that shouldn’t be done.

Therefore, it is better to approach with your hands together or placed on your chest, respectfully. Always keep your head slightly raised and your mouth wide open. If possible, position your mouth exactly at the edge of the Holy Chalice to make it easier for the priest to administer the Holy Communion without spilling, avoiding this danger. As close as possible, mouth wide open and the head tilted back.

I mention this because I often see people who come saying they go to church yet they approach Holy Communion with their heads bowed. How can the priest serve them? Sometimes, I wonder if they have never received Communion before and do not understand they need to open their mouths. Does the priest have to explain? I see the priest signaling to open the mouth wide, like for children. It’s like the person is going for antidoron, he doesn’t know.

These are rules we must know as Christians, to avoid disturbing others. The priest shouldn’t have to remind each of us; we should already know. I don’t present them as mere rules but as essential things that must be part of our lives when we go to church.

When it comes to venerating icons, if you know no one is behind you, you can venerate as you wish, with reverence and respect. But if others are waiting behind you, don’t linger with prostrations or by doing your prayer rule before the icons, because you know there are so many people waiting behind you. Try to pray on the way there, do your best, and then bow, kiss the icon, another bow and then you move on, or two bows, kiss the icon and bow once more after. Don’t take too long. You can do prostrations when you know that there is not a whole line of people waiting behind you.

We must always act according to the situation, without causing disturbance. This is how we should conduct ourselves in church: without bothering others or upsetting them. Otherwise, we leave without benefit, having left others grieved in our wake. We go to church, as I’ve said, to talk to God, to receive Christ through Holy Communion, and to be as discreet as possible in our corner. Receive Holy Communion as your spiritual father permits, but not too rarely. For those granted permission, you can find the “Prayers Before Holy Communion” in any prayer book. There are the twelve prayers. Every Christian who is able—perhaps some may not read or see well—should read these twelve prayers before Communion, asking God for forgiveness. After Holy Communion, there are a few prayers, not many, of gratitude. In those five minutes, we thank God for making us worthy to partake, even though we may not deserve it.

It’s important to know these things, you can find the prayers in the prayer book: “Prayer of Thanksgiving after Holy Communion.” We must all know these things. We cannot be Orthodox Christians, if we don’t know these basic things, with which we go further. Then, wherever you go, you know what to do. Otherwise, you may find yourself watching others, wondering, “What are they doing, so I can do the same?” These are some rules that help ensure you don’t bother anyone. This way, you leave the church with benefit, in peace and quiet, because you know that you didn’t disturb anyone. You remained in your place, you prayed, you didn’t judge anyone, you didn’t waste your time speaking idly.

In the end, you leave with the Holy Antidoron or Holy Communion, with Christ and renewed strength. Knowing that you are not leaving upset, or having upset others. Somehow, you leave at peace with God. When we leave from church, let us not immediately go to parties, if possible. Perhaps you are with your family, looking for a place to share a meal or enjoy some time together. That’s fine, but let’s avoid those spots where we indulge in drinking, idle chatter and so on. I mean, let’s not lose everything we have gathered at church. Especially after receiving Holy Communion, it’s good to remain as peaceful as possible. No one says you shouldn’t enjoy time with family, but not in these noisy spots, so that we can rejoice and benefit from these things.

I wanted to share these things, I thought of doing it many times, because I see it at church here. People come here, always with the help of the Mother of God, and thank God they do! But I see that many – because more are beginning to come, perhaps those who haven’t had much contact with the Church – they don’t know these things. So, we’ve placed some so-called rules at the guesthouse and outside, outlining what a Christian should observe when coming to us here. It’s much like what I’ve just said: respect the place, keep the noise down. This is a place of the Mother of God; it deserves respect. There is no smoking in this area. Further away it’s up to them, as I cannot force them, but they should respect this space. Likewise, at church, one should wear long sleeves and dress decently to show respect to the Mother of God. Otherwise, if we don’t do this, we have achieved nothing. Do you understand, dear ones? This is what I wanted to convey.

What more can I add so that you’re left with something beneficial? I will tell you again and I will always repeat to you: never forget the Mother of God, because she helps us so much; you do not even realize how much she does, how much she cries for us and how deeply she cares for us. Indeed, no one can replace the Mother of God. No matter how angry God may be with us, know that the Mother of God can soften His heart, for she gave birth to Him, she carried Him in her womb, in her arms, and God never refuses her. When she intercedes, prays, and weeps for us, whatever God has decided for us, He does not refuse her.

Therefore, I repeat, have an icon of the Mother of God holding the Savior in your home. [Have] the vigil lamp lit, and before you leave the house, always pray: “Mother of God, help us, watch over my family and my home!” Then kiss the icon. Do not kiss her on the face, for we are not worthy of this. Many people go and touch the face of the Mother of God, but that is not respect. If you wouldn’t dare touch a person’s face, how can you do so with the Mother of God? Instead, kiss her hand or the feet of the Savior. Show respect both in church and at home, and always ask the Mother of God for help. When you return home, do the same thing again. Kiss the icon of the Mother of God and thank her that you have arrived home, because the times are as they are… We face hard times, yet God can sanctify us in these times, but we must struggle a little with ourselves.

Many ask me, “Father, is this a time to have children? Don’t you see the world we live in?” Have as many children as God gives you, for they will be your salvation. It’s said that a woman will be saved through childbirth. Have as many as God gives you, because God will make sure to prepare them for these times. God knows how, if you raise them properly.

I will conclude with a miracle of the Mother of God, one that many of you may know, and I have shared it before. I recount it again so that you understand who the Mother of God is. It is said that there was a hermit who was living a holy life, he was very humble. Having reached old age, being over 70 years old, he was struggling there. One day, a heretic came to him and said, “Eh, you Orthodox claim that the Mother of God is a Virgin even after giving birth. Such a thing is impossible! That’s what some have said!” This is how he planted this idea in the hermit’s head. The heretic left, but slowly, the thought began to work at him: “What if he is right?” And thus, he was a bit caught by this thing.

Another hermit, from another mountain, who led a holy life, received a revelation from God. He learned that the simple hermit had fallen into a slight deception. So then, the second hermit journeyed for an entire day on foot to reach the first. He came with a rod and arrived in front of him, and said, “Father, heed my words!” He said it straight, and the other looked at him, saw that he was venerable, an elder too, with a long beard. And there was a rock out front. He struck the rock in front of him with his rod and said, “The Mother of God, Virgin before birth!” Suddenly, a beautiful lily emerged from the stone and bloomed right away. Then he struck the rock a second time and said, “The Mother of God, Virgin during birth,” and a second stunning lily appeared. With a third strike, he said, “The Mother of God, Virgin after birth!” and a third lily emerged and bloomed filling that whole place with a wonderful fragrance.

After this, the hermit turned and departed. The simple one then understood he was about to be deceived by the enemy, influenced by the heretic’s ideas. We must be vigilant too and not be deceived. The media says a lot now, through various things and people, often manipulated by the devil. Let us stay firm in our faith, having the Mother of God as our mother, and let the Church, through its Mysteries, be our foundation! Never shall we separate ourselves from the Church! For it is where we receive all the Mysteries, through which is our salvation. Do you understand, dear ones? And as I’ve said, let us never forget about the Mother of God!

That’s about it for now. I hope you can remember a little of it, so you know them when you go to church and try to act accordingly. May the Mother of God and all the saints help us and intercede before the good God for us! May the Lord help us!

Online commemoration lists and donations

May the Lord help us!

Online Commemoration Lists and Donations

May the Lord help us!

If you have a bank card and wish to send commemoration lists and donations online using your card, and/or to support our philanthropic activity, including this site, please fill out the form below to make a small donation. The form is secure – we use Stripe for payment processing – a world leader in this field. We do not collect your personal data.

If you do not have a card, or do not wish to use it, visit the webpage for Online Donations and Commemoration Lists.

We will pray for your loved ones! (Please do not include inessential details like wishes, degree of kinship, introductions etc. JUST the name!)

Especially for recurring commemoration lists, we ask that you please keep them to under 20 names long. If you include a member of the family, we add “and for their families.”