Saint Mary of Egypt: The Power of Repentance – Father Pimen Vlad

Listen to Father Pimen Vlad as he tells us about one of the most extraordinary lives in history, a life that shows us the power of repentance – how God’s grace can transform one of the greatest harlots into one of the greatest saints: Saint Mary of Egypt.

Enjoy!

Here we are again, my dears, again in the orchard, where we filmed several beautiful videos. Look, we have some kind of yellow flowers around here, plum and apricot trees in bloom, apple trees and brushes got their start, a flower blooms here and there. So that’s spring smell. Butterflies – [there are] a lot around here, I mean everything is starting to come to life. This means that we are approaching the Holy Resurrection. We have passed the halfway point of fasting and we are slowly approaching joy.

I was thinking of talking to you about another saint and it just fits: now, on April 1st, Saturday, we celebrate St. Mary of Egypt and, actually, on Sunday, the next day, is St. Mary of Egypt Sunday, so they come one after another. Who was St. Mary of Egypt? Born in Egypt, in a normal family, at 12 she ran away from home and went to Alexandria, a famous city at that time (like how now you are running away from the countryside and going to a more developed city). There was work at home, it seemed to her that she did not have enough freedom to live her life and she was in a bit of a hurry. So, at 12 she left home, went to Alexandria and began to live her life.

She was a lonely child and many took advantage of her. She started to indulge in it, she really liked it, and then anybody could take advantage of her. She, being alone, with no one taking care of her, lived from day to day. That’s how she started her life there: she slept wherever she could, ate what one or the other gave her, and lived with everyone who took advantage of her.

Years passed and she also came to be, as we say, in this field, better known in her area. That way she lived for 17 years, so almost until she was 30. One day, God took pity on the life she was leading, saw that she had left as a young child, and then God thought of saving her. But how was this arranged? The child once saw several young people going to Jerusalem in Palestine. She asked them where they were going, and they told her that there was a great feast in Jerusalem, the Exaltation of the Holy Cross, and they all went there to worship. She, when she saw so many young people, decided to accompany them. But because she lived as I said, she told herself that out of all those young people who were going, she would have a choice of who to live her life with.

So she went to a ship, and they asked her if she had money to travel. She replied that she didn’t need money because she offered herself to them, to do whatever they wanted with her, just to take her with them. Being a group of young people, more jokingly, more seriously, they took her with them. Along the way, she committed many sins with those young people. She was an expert, as they say, if for so many years she did those things, and even young people who didn’t want to, she drew them into sin. Her life went from pit to pit, we can say.

When she arrived in Jerusalem, there were still a few days until the feast and she began to walk around the city, to look for such things, to make a fool of herself with the locals there. On the day of the Holy Cross, everyone went to church. I have told you her life so far, and now I will resume in another way, as the life of St. Mary of Egypt is narrated by Saint Sophrony. In one of the Palestinian monasteries, there was a hermit who was a great struggler. And it occurred to him that he had reached a great height [spiritually]. Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him and said, “Do you think you are at a great height?! Go to so-and-so monastery in Jerusalem, near the Jordan, go there, and you’ll see real struggle (ascesis)!”

Then he gave up everything – although he was of an older age, he was about 70 years old, he had over 54 years of ascesis, of hermitage – and he went to see who had greater ascesis than him. He arrived at that monastery, which was secluded and had the gate closed at all times. The doorkeeper asked him what he wanted and took him to the abbot, and the hermit said he was a poor man and it didn’t matter where he came from, but he heard nice things about that monastery and about the struggle there and he wanted to do ascesis too, and he wanted them to be his example. He was received there and began his ascesis.

But what happened when Lent began? There was an ordinance there: exactly after the first week after they began to struggle, they all took communion and went into the wilderness. Only two or three remained in the monastery to maintain the service there, and the rest each went into the wilderness and returned a week before the Resurrection. Everyone went as far as they could in the wilderness, some got food, others didn’t get anything, just drank a little water when they found it. And Zosima, our hermit, also left, and he went, he went about 12 days to the depths of the wilderness. He kept walking and thinking that maybe he could find something more special in that wilderness.

After 12 days of walking in the wilderness, when he was also resting a little, he saw [something] like a shadow running. Then he quickly got up and started running after that shadow. And the shadow ran and ran, but he couldn’t anymore. He was old – you can tell, he was 70 years old – and he stopped on a knoll, from where a valley was descending, and he started crying and shouting, “Why are you running away from me, an old man?! I don’t want to hurt you, but if you’re a man of God, I want to see who you are!” And then, from the other side of the valley, a woman’s voice began to speak:

“Father Zosima, I am human. I am a woman and I have no clothes on. If you really want to see me, throw me your mantle!” He also had his cassock, like this one, and he had the mantle on top of that. Then he took off his mantle, threw it, turned his back, she came out and covered herself with that mantle. He then asked her who she was, but she said she was ashamed to talk about her life.

He insisted that the woman tell her life, because Zosima was also a spiritual father, and it would have been like a confession. As a hermit, he wanted to see who was the woman who, deep in the wilderness, was carrying this ascesis. They prayed together and after many prayers, she began to narrate her life, as I told you at the beginning so did St. Mary of Egypt tell Venerable Zosima.

And now let us return to the time when she arrived at the church in Jerusalem. She had come to worship at the Holy Cross, people entered the church, everyone had come in the morning and were hurrying to enter, she also tried to enter the church. It was more out of curiosity, as she didn’t know much about it. She thought, “Everyone is going there, I should go too!”

When she stepped on the threshold to enter, a force pushed her back, everyone entered, but a force pushed her back! She said to herself, “I think I’m tired. Let me get between people and when they all come in, they’ll push me too!” And she got between people, people entered, but a power pushed her behind the threshold until they all passed, and she was left alone. Every time she tried, she was pushed back by an unseen power.

When she saw this, something happened in her heart. And she began to realize why God was stopping her from entering the church to see the wood of the Holy Cross: for her sins, for the life she led. Then, as she stood there, outside the church, she looked up and saw an icon of the Mother of God – which is still called “the Icon of Saint Mary of Egypt” – and began to cry out loud and say: “Mother of God, I know that for my sins I am not worthy to see the cross on which your Son was crucified. But look, if you allow this, I promise you that from now on I will not sin, I will not do anything I have done and I will go to repent for my sins where you will instruct me, where you will say, only, please, allow me to be able to rejoice, to see the wood of the Holy Cross!”

After crying and praying, she went again, in fear. And when she stepped inside, she saw that no one was pushing her outside anymore. So she really was helped! So she entered and bowed, fearfully and tremblingly, when she saw that after her promise to the Mother of God, she was allowed to do so. After worshipping, she went outside, went to the icon of the Mother of God and said: “Mistress, the time has come to fulfill the promise, tell me what I must do, where to go, for I do not know!” And as she wept and prayed, she heard a voice – like an echo from afar – telling her: “Cross the Jordan and you will find good rest!” She took it as God’s answer, kissed the icon, made prostrations, and left. A random stranger had given her three pennies and she bought a few loaves of bread and set off.

She went to the Jordan River and arrived at the church of St. John the Baptist at the Jordan, there she worshipped, prayed, then washed her face with water from the Jordan, so, as a blessing, because the Savior was baptized there. After that she came again to the monastery, stayed for the Liturgy and took Communion. No more is said, some asked if she confessed, but we do not know God’s ordinance. In the book about her life it is said that she took Communion there and afterwards, taking courage, crossed the Jordan and went into the wilderness, where her ascesis began.

Even Elder Zosima asked her: “You gave up a life of pleasure, of sin, of amusements, of drink (of everything that was at that time), did you not struggle? Because nobody – whether he struggles with drunkenness, with fornication, with everything – gives up these things easily. How did you manage to pull it off?”

Then she replied, “Father, I am so afraid to even think [about it]! For 17 years I had a continuous struggle. (Think about it, 17 years, not one day!) The struggle was coming so great, and not only was the battle coming, but those songs of fornication, the wine I drank and the fight of fornication came to mind, and at that moment I would fall on my knees, put my head to the ground, cry and see myself in front of the icon of the Mother of God in Jerusalem, talk to the Mother of God and ask for forgiveness. (She somehow thought she had sinned every time these things came to mind.) I would say: ‘Forgive me, Mother of God, punish me, look, I have done wrong again, forgive me!’ and I stood with my head on the ground, prayed until a light came from above, illuminated me and the whole struggle disappeared! Sometimes I stayed [like that] day and night.”

Think about it: for hours! One day at a time, two at a time, without lifting her head from the ground, she would cry, and until a divine light illuminated her, she would not give up. Then again, she rejoiced and glorified God. See how much struggle she had in the wilderness?! Let’s not think that if you went into the wilderness, you got rid of everything! No! You go with your fight coming with you and you do a lot of work. Likewise, if you go to the monastery, if you have gone through different things in the world, it does not mean that you came to the monastery and suddenly they all disappeared! So it’s your struggle with the past and after years of struggle, little by little, with God’s grace, it all calms down.

[Cat climbs on Fr. Pimen] You see, Teddy Bear [cat’s name] doesn’t want to leave me alone at all. He found out I was here. Come on, Teddy Bear, let me be, because I am talking about St. Mary of Egypt!

This is how St. Mary of Egypt struggled there for so many years. And after 17 years, this fight calmed down. Venerable Zosima saw that there was nothing in that wilderness: “But what did you live with?” She replied, “With those three loaves of bread I took with me! In time they got hard and, with God’s grace, they were enough for me.” Three loaves of bread! Think about what that means? What she lived with! A few bits of those. There was nothing in that wilderness!

“But you weren’t cold, weren’t you hot?”

“Yes, sometimes the night was so cold that I would faint and recover after a while. Or when the heat was high, I would just dry out, fall and recover after a while.”

How much she fought, but she didn’t give up! It doesn’t mean that if you’re fought, you’re overcome! No, then you win, if you don’t give up the fight. So fight no matter what passions you go through, what torments you. You have to fight constantly!

When she saw Venerable Zosima, he marveled when he saw what level she was at, when he saw that she was telling him certain things about his life, that is, she knew everything, or she told him psalms, she who did not even know books. So, with God everything is possible.

And after all this, she asked Elder Zosima to go back and return next year, but not to come into the wilderness, but only to the bank of the Jordan, and to bring her the ody and blood of the Lord, for she would also come to receive Communion. She also asked Him not to come at the beginning of Lent, but a week before the Resurrection.

Elder Zosima did so, and he couldn’t wait for time to meet with the Venerable. When the time came, he took the body and blood of the Lord into a small chalice and came to the Jordan. It was evening, full moon, and he stood on the banks of the Jordan and prayed, “Lord, am I still worthy to see the Venerable?” And as he stood there, at one point he saw her on the other side of the Jordan and began to ask how she was going to cross the Jordan, because there was no boat, nothing. And he sees her mark the Jordan with the sign of the cross, step on it and float as if above the Jordan river. He already wanted to worship and then the Venerable said to him: “Father, you are a priest and you have both the body and blood of the Lord, do not bend to the ground!” and she came to him and received Communion with the body and blood of the Lord.

And then it is said that she said this prayer: “Lord, now let your servant depart in peace, according to your word; for my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the presence of all people; a light to enlighten the Gentiles, and the glory of your people Israel.” The prayer the Righteous Simeon said, when he received the Savior, a child, in his arms. Meaning, somehow to absolve him then, as he was over 300 years old, so that he may leave [this life]. So did the Venerable: she had received Christ and then she also asked for absolution.

Elder Zosima had brought with him some fruit, some lentils dipped in water, and after Communion, he asked the Venerable to take something too. Then the Venerable took with her fingertips only three grains of lentils, out of the small ones, brought them to her lips and said that God’s grace was enough. She lived by God’s grace! Then she told him to go back to where he first found her next year, then crossed the Jordan again, over the water, and left.

Venerable Zosima returned, but he was sorry that he forgot to ask her name. The next year he left early, at the beginning of the Lent, and went to that place, but when he got there, he found the Venerable lying on the ground and gone from this world. He sat thinking that he had not learned her name, and at that moment he saw written beside her, with a stick on the ground: “Father Zosima, please bury the body of the servant Mary, who departed on such and such a date.”

Do you know when she actually passed? Exactly on the day she received Communion, a year before, at the Jordan, by the hand of the Venerable [Father]. She crossed the Jordan, a journey that Elder Zosima had made in 12 days, she did it in a few moments, carried away by God’s grace, arrived and went to the Lord. She left that document on earth, and God kept it for a year without erasing it, as well as her whole body, as if she had just passed to the Lord. She knew that the Venerable Father wanted to know her name and left her name.

The Venerable began to think about how to bury the body, that there was still hard, stone, dry earth. And then he prayed, and at that moment he saw a great lion beside him, who approached the Venerable and licked her feet. At first, he was frightened – as he knew from the Venerable that for 47 years, while she lived in the wilderness, she saw neither animal nor people – and marveled that the lion had come there. But then he gathered courage and said to the lion: “Please help me bury the body of the Venerable. You have the power to dig the hole!” And the lion began with his claws to dig the hole necessary to put the body of the Venerable in it.

After reading the proper prayers, he kissed her feet again, and the Venerable put her in the pit, covered her with earth, the lion went into the wilderness, and he went to his monastery. Only then did he tell the life of the Venerable to the abbot. As an assurance, in order for the abbot to believe that everything was true, the Venerable told him some things to tell the abbot, because certain things had to be corrected in the monastery that were not going well.

This is how St. Mary of Egypt went to heaven. What holiness she has attained, from what life she had before! What does this make us understand? No matter how sinful you are, whatever life you have had, if you turn to God with all your heart, He wipes them away like a sponge and you can reach holiness. Just as St. Moses the Ethiopian was, if you have read, so was St. Mary of Egypt, not only did she reach holiness, but if we look at these Sundays of Lent, we see that a Sunday was dedicated to her, which means she is among the greatest saints.

See what a life [she had]? No matter how it started in the beginning, what a wonderful end it had, and what holiness she reached! She lived with God’s grace, she walked above water, distance no longer existed for her. God’s grace carried her in a few moments, as others walked for a month. She lived in grace and holiness.

This can still happen today, if we truly repent. No matter what sins we have committed, we must not fall into despair. It is enough to go to confession, repent for them and stop doing them. And then God’s grace intervenes, which slowly changes our lives. We have to struggle on our part, but it changes our lives and we can reach sanctification. That’s all I told you about St. Mary of Egypt.

You saw that Teddy Bear troubled me a little. He has a habit: he wants me to acknowledge him. But, I don’t really have time for him. Don’t think that if I have these cats, they stay in the house. No, they belong outside. They have somewhere next to the woods a small place made, where they stay in the garden, if it rains and it’s cold, they go to where we set up their place, near the woods, but they also need to be cared for a little.

When I work outside, I am constantly moving, but here if I stand still they also have the opportunity to come to me. Especially Teddy Bear, I don’t know if you see it now, nestled down here. So, wherever I go, he’s at my foot and he wants to be acknowledged. As soon as he sees me talking and I don’t pay attention to him, he chimes in: “But why are you talking and not paying attention to me?” What can we do? They are part of God’s creation, all set up to live around man. They also enjoy the presence of man, who has the breath of God. They feel this too and enjoy the presence of man. Of course, if man also lives by God.

Dear ones, I’m don’t want to make this any longer. May the Mother of God help us! May St. Mary of Egypt help us to make a good start! May God help us!

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