The Mother of God and the Saints: Our Helpers – Fr. Pimen Vlad
14 September 2023
The Involvement of Young People, the Will of God – Fr. Pimen Vlad
28 September 2023
Watch a very beautiful interview conducted by Trinitas TV in which Father Pimen talks to us about spiritual life, family life, and especially about the role of women in contemporary life.
Enjoy!
Iuliana Lazăr: Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, to a special edition because, this time, with me is a radiant face, a man who brings a lot of hope and joy to our viewers. Father Pimen Vlad from the Lacu Skete on Mount Athos, thank you for accepting our invitation.
Fr. Pimen Vlad: But I had no other way, you know? Now I’m joking. No, but do you know how it is? I always let the Mother of God arrange things. And if she has arranged for us to do this, I say, who am I to oppose?
Iuliana Lazăr: Then may the Mother of God help us in this discussion where I would like to bring into attention the Christian woman, the role of women in society, especially today. It may seem a little strange that I ask you, but I ask: how can someone who has lived on Mount Athos for three decades speak about women?
Fr. Pimen Vlad: What can we say here? Let’s not forget one thing: So, Holy Mount Athos is ruled by a woman, by the Mother of God. The monks of the Holy Mount Athos love a woman the most, the Mother of God. I mean, we say God, but whatever they ask from God, they ask through the intercessions of the Mother of God. So, in a way, we can say that their life is completely devoted, laid at the feet of the Mother of God.
Many say, “Oh, they went to the Holy Mountain because they hate women or run away from women.” Well, we went to the Holy Mountain for the love of a woman, that is, for the Mother of God. Yes, the Mother of God is special, that she is the Mother of God, but she was a woman on earth. And we went there out of love for her. And we live there and rejoice in the love of the Mother of God, just as a child rejoices in his mother, in the love of his mother. The better the child is or the more he strives, the more joy he brings to his mother, and then the mother takes better care of him.
So, somehow, how did we end up? Besides loving the Mother of God, we pray for everyone. Because there, being a quieter place, you can collect yourself better and you can pray more. And exactly like Venerable Paisios of Mount Athos once said, when someone came to him and told him: “Father, you stay here on the Holy Mountain, you are wasting time here,” or something like that. And continued, “Why don’t you go out into the world, to do this and that?” And [the elder] replied, “Look, we need to be just like lighthouses for ships. So, that lighthouse is placed on a mountain peak, right? Maybe no one goes to it. It is placed there on a mountain peak and stands there and illumines, but all the ships at sea navigate by it. You know, there’s the lighthouse, there are rocks, there is the port, that’s where we need to dock. So, it serves as a guide for everyone, and without the lighthouse leaving its spot, without doing who knows what, just as a guide,” he says, “this is how monks should be, to lead a life that’s like a balance, we could say, for everyone, through their prayers and their way of living.” And that’s why the Holy Mountain, since ancient times, we see that it has been a balance for everyone.
I talk a lot about the Mother of God, or there isn’t a video in which I don’t at least mention the Mother of God. I was once in [Romania] with a family somewhere, we were discussing, and we talked for about an hour. And at one point, someone from their group stops me and says, “Father, I have talked to many people of the Church, monks, priests, and they all went on and on about God, but for an hour I’ve only heard you talk about the Mother of God,” he says, “what’s the difference, I don’t understand?” I reply, “My direct boss is the Mother of God. So, who should I talk about? About my boss, and not only is she my boss, but I also love her.” So, it’s normal that when you love someone, you talk about that person all day long. The same goes for us. And so, of course, with all my love, I always talk about the Mother of God because…. I can’t say that it’s an inexhaustible subject, but it’s so beautiful that, every time, one speaks even more fondly of the Mother of God.
Iuliana Lazăr: She is the supreme model of woman.
Fr. Pimen Vlad: Of woman and of a Christian woman, but also of a woman in general. That is, in the Mother of God, you find all the virtues in one place. That is, any woman should strive, at least to some extent, within her limits, to imitate the Mother of God, her way of life, and demeanor in all these things. In the Mother of God we find all the virtues together.
Iuliana Lazăr: You beautifully said that the Mother of God is your boss, but what do you think about women who hold leadership positions in society?
Fr. Pimen Vlad: So what happens… Because now in our times, a little bit, the situation has come to this… So, it’s not that this is a bad thing, but a woman should not lose her purpose. You have a leadership role, but that doesn’t mean you should forget to be a mother, forget to be a woman. Because a woman means warmth, love, light. As someone was saying: “If the wife is upset at home, nothing goes well in the house, the children don’t seem happy, nor do I,” said the husband, meaning everything at home is turned upside down. She must be the light of the home, the joy of the home, the warmth of the home. She must not lose that. Because if she gets to lose these things, she can hold any position in this world, she will never be fulfilled.
The woman, in order to be truly fulfilled, is that woman who gets to hold the baby in her arms, to breastfeed him. And only then, it is said, the mother’s love is closest to the love of God. Because it goes towards self-sacrifice. That is, the mother is willing to die for her child. Any person sacrifices himself up to a point for another, but they have a limit. The mother has no limit. That is, she knows she is dying, but she defends her child. So, it’s this love that God has endowed women with, but they must cultivate it. That is, holding the child in her arms, already, any woman, the moment she becomes a mother, you see that she changes completely. No matter how tough she might be, suddenly she becomes gentle, you see joy in her eyes, brightness, something changes in her.
The moment she has a leadership position and no longer cares about family, no longer wants children, no longer wants this or that, she has lost the meaning of her life.
Iuliana Lazăr: What about the women who, for one reason or another, don’t have children? They are not married, they are not necessarily career women, they have a job but they simply have not met anyone, they are alone and do not get to fulfill this purpose.
Fr. Pimen Vlad: Yes, what’s going on here? I would tell them, as they often asked me: “Father, I can’t find anyone, I’m disappointed, I don’t leave the house anymore, look, I’m waiting to get married,” and so on. And I said, “Why don’t you leave that to God?” That is, there isn’t a solution, you may go to a club, you may go… maybe you’ll find someone. Of course, if you find him at the clubs, when you can’t find him at home, you’ll be picking him up from the clubs to bring him home. That’s what happens, as I used to say to many, to the boys. “Father, where should I find her?” I say, “Where do you want to find her when she’s not at home? Go and find her there.” If you find her at church and bring her home, when you see she’s not at home, you’ll go and find her at church. You found her at the club, when she’s not at home, you’ll go to the club to bring her home. So, this is the thing.
But there’s another thing, I would tell them: “So, if you see that, let’s say, you can’t find anyone to marry, all the love you have, go and offer it where it’s needed. Go to an orphanage, go to a nursing home, go where there are people who are gravely ill. Go, not for money, because maybe you have your job, to live off. Go and help, volunteer, talk to them, give them love, and God will take care of the rest. You will have the right person by your side, [and] when the time comes, you will have children. So, God takes care of that, but He wants to see that you are giving your love somewhere, selflessly. If you spend all day sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself and keep looking on the streets thinking “maybe someone will notice me…”
And now I say this from experience, talking to many people, they reach that state of, as they say, falling asleep with pills. And I tell them: “So, if you’ve reached this age, have you [volunteered]?” “Well no, because I was busy with work,” and so on. Well, then settle for work. Why are you in this state? Well, then limit your work to make a living and go, do something good, help. Or families that cannot have children, [they are] married, and cannot have them. And I said, “You know what to do? Go and adopt a child.” Because God takes care, if He sees that you offer love to a child who is not yours, He will give you a child too. I have met families who couldn’t, the doctors told them, “You will never have children,” they adopted a child and then they gave birth to two more children. God gave them this for the sacrifice they made.
Iuliana Lazăr: But do you think that if a woman has not gotten married, she should enter monastic life?
Fr. Pimen Vlad: No. Monastic life… There is a calling in monastic life. If a woman does not get married and she is not meant for the monastery and goes there because of what others say or out of shame, she won’t stay long. When she gets the urge, she jumps the three-meter fence and runs away because it’s not her calling. So, in the monastery, many people don’t understand, they say, “Oh, and what do you do in monastery? You just sit there doing nothing. I’d like a life like that, too.” Seriously? Come here for a month and fit in. After three days, you’ll see him breaking fences and gates and running away as fast as his legs can carry him. What happens? If there isn’t a calling, you won’t stay in the monastery. So, life in the monastery is not easy. Whatever they say, I say it from experience.
So, in monastic life, you are fighting a very great battle. In what way? First of all, you’re fighting yourself to solve your problems, so to speak, so that you can (…) After that, there’s that daily schedule. Because, you know, there were people who stayed for three days, stayed for a week, they noticed the schedule a bit and said: “What, do you really wake up like this every night? Are these services really held this many times, every night?” “They really are.” “And how do you manage? Because I’m already distressed.”
At first, on the first day, [they say], “How beautiful the service is”; on the next day, it seems a bit boring, on the third day, they already say: “I have things to do at home, I need to go.” So, they can’t take it anymore. But when it’s God’s calling, a thousand times, ten thousand times the same services, and each time they seem more beautiful and you serve them with more love, because there’s no boredom, because God’s grace works. And where there is God’s grace (…) just think about it, in Heaven. You get there for eternity, it never ends. And you say, “Well, but won’t I get bored for so long?” Well, that’s precisely it; there are such great and limitless joys in Heaven – meaning they never end – that you can’t get bored. And that’s what it means to be in grace. Well, likewise man here, who is in grace, enjoys every moment. For him, every moment of his life is a beauty.
Every person he meets, he rejoices. He sees a fly and finds something beautiful about it, about a butterfly, about a flower, about anything. He lives in continual joy. And that man can’t get bored. That’s why I say: “Hey, life is so beautiful,” because many come there, “Father, but what will happen to my daughter? But what will happen to my son?” Hey, hold on a second. “But will I become such-and-such or will I do this and that?” “Hey, calm down,” I say, “If you knew the future, you would only live with pills. Because you would know that in three days someone will steal from you, in a week you will break a leg, in who knows how long, this-and-that will happen to you. Well, would you still sleep at night knowing all this awaits you? No. You’d be stressed out continuously,” I say. But God, so that we don’t get bored in this world, has prepared us surprises.
Just think about it, to know as a person that you have a surprise every day. As a woman, let’s say, from your husband. He comes to you with something new, he surprises you with something. You are in continuous joy because you receive surprises. This is what God has done for us. So, the surprise is that we do not know what’s in the next moment. And there are always new things that intervene in our lives, which we call good or bad, but they all have their purpose, they are all beautiful, but they are all surprises. And then, we must constantly look at life like, “What a surprise…” I often say this in the morning, “Let’s see what surprise God has for me today.” I mean, there will always be new things, and then life becomes beautiful.
And coming back to – because I deviate far from the subject as you can see – the woman, if the woman should go into a monastery…. No. If you have the calling, go. If not, get busy, do good where you are, and God will arrange something for you as well.
Iuliana Lazăr: You have certainly talked with many families over time. Can we talk about an evolution of the idea of family? Has something changed from the family in society thirty years ago, perhaps, and the situation of the family today; the way the relationship between husband, wife, parents and children goes? How is it today?
Fr. Pimen Vlad: Do you know how it used to be back then? If your sock tore, you’d patch it a hundred times and wear it. There used to be a lot of cobblers. Any shoe that broke, you would go to him if you couldn’t patch it yourself. Ten times, a hundred times, as much as possible. The same with clothes. I mean, in any situation, everything was repaired. A relationship that wasn’t going well, family quarrels, something else, they would find ways to resolve it. They would go to their spiritual father, they would discuss, I mean, they would struggle, it was a shame… How could you end up getting divorced? That was out of the question.
So, no matter what problems existed in the family, a solution would be found. They’d bear their cross, they would carry it. I know in my village, only one family had divorced in the whole village and they wouldn’t come out of the house, they were ashamed. So, there was no such thing. I’m referring to my childhood. Years have passed and it has come to this: Who is still patching socks today? Does anyone patch them? No, they throw them away, [get] new ones. Already if they are just wrinkled a bit, [they get] new ones. Clothes, the same.
Do cobblers still exist? There are no more, because nobody takes their shoes to be repaired. What have we come to? Everything we have in our lives is disposable. Marriages, how many of them are resolved by finding ways of communication? Now it has already come to the notary; quickly, in 24 hours you have solved it. So, marriages have also become disposable. That is, people have come to no longer appreciate what they have, to no longer rejoice and to constantly seek new things.
Now each one wants something different, something else. It seems that the wife has aged a bit, he starts to look around, maybe at someone younger. Already, his life, has turned upside down. What keeps people together now, within the family, in love, in these traditions that our people had? The connection with God. The moment you remove God from your life, you already have temptations around you all the time. You have no reason to say, to stop from them, because you say: “Well, God doesn’t exist anyway,” or “I’m not interested in God,” or “I have nothing to do with God.” But the moment you have God, you have some of His love, you take care of your family… And maybe, not always just out of love, but [out of] “I will upset God. I shouldn’t do this.” That is, you always try to overcome the difficult things.
Everything has started to turn upside down. So indeed, as they say, if we look, let’s say at least thirty years back, there is a huge difference. People no longer appreciate beauty, they no longer appreciate normality. If we look at the whole world, from small children, everything has turned upside down, even at the level of states, of governments. That is, if forty years ago you were arrested for something out of the ordinary, now it has come to the point where you can be fined or arrested if you do not agree with those things that the law, the state, previously condemned and imprisoned you for, now it has come to the point that if you say something, that you do not agree with such things, you are fined or arrested right then. I mean, see how things have turned.
What have the Holy Fathers said? As an elder was asked, “Father, when will the end of the world come?” He said, “When there will be no love between people, when there will be no path from one person to another and when the abnormal becomes normal and the normal becomes abnormal.” That is, values will be reversed, true values will be persecuted and bad things will be elevated to a place of honor. And everyone sees this.
Iuliana Lazăr: Is that why we have come to this point, because there is no more love between us?
Fr. Pimen Vlad: Love, everyone talks about love. All the songs are about love. Everyone yearns that: “Nobody loves me.” But where is the problem? We don’t love anymore, no one loves anymore. But we all ask for love. But they have not understood one thing, that this is not love, it’s selfishness. It goes like this, love never asks for anything. What does the Holy Apostle say? “Love does not seek its own.” So, love never says: “Let it be good for me!” No. The loved one, the close one, should be well, should not be cold.
Do you see how a mother acts? She takes her child, “Here, child, eat,” and if there’s anything left, she eats too. The child should not be cold and afterwards, if there is anything left, she puts on something too. So always, that’s why I’ve said that it’s the closest love to God, because you first offer to the other, for the other to be well, and then you. But the moment you want to be well and you don’t care about the other, that’s selfishness. It has nothing to do with love, because it says that “Love does not seek its own.” And then, that’s why everyone suffers from loneliness, from everything that exists in this world, because they no longer have love, they no longer offer love, because love goes to the point of sacrifice. And if you don’t have this, then you don’t have love, you have selfishness, and you ask the other, you say, “I want this-and-that! If you love me, I want so-and-so!” So, look at how we go… I mean, it is the greatest foolishness to say: “If you love me, I want such-and-such.” Well, but wait a minute, but show them that you love them, sacrifice yourself. Well, this thing is missing. And then, we see all these things: the lack of love and the normal being exchanged with the abnormal.
We call white ‘black,’ we call black ‘white,’ and not only that. I saw at the fall of the Roman Empire. Where did it start from? When all the orgies were legalized, the decline of the Roman Empire began. That is, God then said “Enough.” So, the orgies were happening, but they weren’t legalized by the state. The moment they were legalized, just like now, when they are legalized as good things, it does not mean they are good; they remain sins, before God they are still punished, but they are legalized by the state. And then the world starts to turn upside down and God begins to allow certain things. Whether it’s wars, earthquakes, floods, or fires, it’s to make us understand that we are not well.
Iuliana Lazăr: I would like you to talk to us about women from the perspective of a phrase that we hear very often and that some deliberately misuse, while others are conservative and take it as it is, because this is what it says in the Book, that the woman must be submissive to the man.
Fr. Pimen Vlad: I believe that Fr. Arsenie Papacioc once said that he was at a wedding, officiating a marriage. And as it was being read in the Apostolos that the woman should be submissive to the man, he saw that they were nudging each other and laughing. And he said, “I could hardly wait for the wedding service to end. And when I went out for the sermon, I said this: ‘Bride, pay attention to me! It says there [that] the woman should be submissive, but it also says what the man should do: to love her, to respect her, to protect her. And if your man does not respect you, does not love you, does not protect you, never listen to him. “So, he has his conditions set, and you should do this out of love: “Look, how much he cares for me, for the family, I must not upset him. Whatever he says, I must be careful to do, so I don’t upset him, because he has so much love for us.” So, these must be, we could say, the good consequences of the man’s love for the woman. Not this: “Hey, I am the master of the house!”
I once met a Greek family in Athens, one man came to me years ago, what can I say, now I think it was almost 25 years ago. A Greek man used to come to me often. And, poor man, was weighing about 120 kg, maybe more. And he moved slowly, and of course, no girl would talk to him. He was about 23, 25 years old. He kept complaining to me, “Look, I saw a girl and I asked her: ‘Do you want to be my girlfriend?’ She looked me up and down and said, ‘Never!'” or something like that. And the poor man was telling me what he was going through. Well, years later, God arranged for him to find a girl to marry. And when I got to Athens, “Father, come to our place.” I went to their home, we sat down in one place, the wife was busy in the kitchen. He would tell something, she would jump in, “But it’s not like that!” from there. So, I saw a fight between them. After that, I understood what was happening.
He kept telling me, “Father, I want an Abrahamic family. I want a family just like Abraham’s,” according to what he desired. And now, when I understood, what was going on? The man, being a big one, would come home all day and lie around. The wife had a small child, had a job, was cooking. He, by Abrahamic family, understood these two words as: “The woman must be submissive to the man”, and “she must cook, she must clean and he must sit in the chair and command”. When she received her salary, he would say, “Give me the salary, because I am the master of the house,” and he would say, “Abrahamic family.” And I said, “Seriously? You have mixed things up. How can you have the Abrahamic family when you don’t sacrifice anything? You are the boss and the other is indebted in everything.” No, so here they must complement each other.
Just like two hands complement each other. If you put your hand on something heavy to lift, you don’t have to say to the left hand, “You go too!” It automatically goes and helps the right or vice versa. That is, they become one. They complement each other in everything, they are together in suffering, they rejoice together in joy, they help each other. So, there’s no such thing as one ruling and the other submitting. No, they are together in everything. So, that’s what a true family means.
Iuliana Lazăr: I have encountered many situations, and surely you have as well, where either the man or the woman goes elsewhere or is with someone else, and the other, usually the woman, who is meeker, let’s say, comes and says, “I’m not breaking up with him because that’s what I saw growing up,” but she suffers, she is in a state of permanent suffering. Do you think it’s good for it to be like this? Can anything change in their lives?
Fr. Pimen Vlad: You see that precisely the Church, precisely in Holy Scripture it says that “What God has joined together, let no one separate.” And it says [of] marriage, that they cannot separate from each other unless… meaning the Church does not allow it, except in cases of fornication. So, this is what the Church allows. Why? Because it knows that it is the hardest thing to overcome, knowing that the other has cheated on you. That is, a rupture is formed that’s very difficult to repair. And indeed, the Church allows this, but says that “It is not mandatory to separate.” If they can endure, overcome this, to win back the other in time, they will have a reward from God, and with God’s help, they will succeed. But it is not mandatory to remain in this, because it is very hard. And indeed, I have encountered many cases where the woman said, “Father, I have children, I can’t, look, he is asking for a divorce but I won’t give in. He goes to that woman for three days, comes home for a day, but I don’t want to, for these children, because I can’t accept the idea of raising them without a father.” And there are many struggles, there are situations.
Some eventually come to their senses, they return, some do not. Now it depends on the woman, how far she goes with this sacrifice. Look, a woman had once written me a letter. They had two children, the children were small, and the husband, of course, found another woman and it seemed to him that he wanted to live his life, and he left. Think about it, she raised her children by herself for twenty years. After twenty years, as the years go by, starting to age, if you lead a dissolute life, drinking and such, it does affect you. Well, the husband got sick – who hadn’t had anything to do with her, had been gone for twenty years and hadn’t helped her with a single penny. So, she raised her children alone. And he lived with other women but he got sick. An illness where he was bedridden, eaten by worms so to speak. All the women left him. What did this woman do?
She went to her spiritual father and said, “Father, I feel sorry for him. I would like to take him and take care of him.” Think about it! And the spiritual father told her, “If you want to take this on, I’m not going to say ‘Take him, do it,’ because I know it’s something that exceeds everything. But if you can do this, know that you will be among the martyrs.” And she went, took him home, washed him, and cared for him for two years until he died, with all her love. So, it depends on how much each person is able to bear, but they are not obliged to carry this. So, if it comes to this, as I said, the Church allows for separation.
Iuliana Lazăr: I’d like to talk a little about the conduct of the woman, especially in the Church. The woman is judged a lot, especially nowadays, whether she comes without a headscarf, or wears mascara, or earrings, or wears pants and does not wear a skirt. What is a sin and what’s not a sin?
Fr. Pimen Vlad: What did we start with? Who is the model for women?
Iuliana Lazăr: The Mother of God.
Fr. Pimen Vlad: So, she is the model. Let’s see what we can imitate from the Mother of God as a woman, right? Not in the sense that you’ve lost your salvation if you don’t wear a headscarf or anything like that, but I say this, and I’ve said it many times, “The respect you give is the respect you receive.” I mean, you go to church, for what? To talk to God, to the Mother of God, to tell Them your joys, to tell Them your sorrows, to pray, to live your life with God. And if you go like that, if you go with a lot of respect… because God is not just anyone, nor is the Mother of God.
Let’s take a worldly person, now things are different, but how was it in ancient times when there was an emperor, and you went before the emperor, did you just go randomly? How careful you were, [in] how you dressed, how you spoke there so as to not upset him because “he is the emperor.” But we are talking to God. And that’s why I say, we give respect to God, we receive respect and help from God. Because you can go to church with dignity, with respect, and at church, carefully, you don’t push to the front, push to the right or left.
You look for a little corner, you talk to God without upsetting or offending anyone, and you come out of there floating with joy. You could go to church dressed however you want, with the latest fashion or whatever, [you can] put on whatever you want and walk to the front, and walk around everywhere and prostrate there for everyone to admire you, maybe not for all, but for some, you will be a stumbling block, diverting their minds from prayer, because people are weak. Especially in men, there is this thing, meaning their gaze is quickly stolen if a woman wears excessively tight, form-fitting clothes. Because God created this connection, this attraction between man and woman, it’s from God, otherwise they wouldn’t get married.
I used to tell many: “Even I can tell the difference, I see a woman who is beautiful, who’s like that,” so it exists, you can’t say, “Man, I didn’t see,” you did see. You do see who’s beautiful, you see that God has given her a beautiful body, and this thing exists. And if you are not careful, it steals you, so your gaze goes: “Wow, how beautiful she is,” or such and such. But in church, when you go to talk to God, if you are distracted by this and a bad thought or something comes to you, then the woman who consciously did this thing, is also guilty for what the other has thought. And then she realizes that she came to church to pray for something and went home with a bag full of everything that others have thought.
That’s why it is said that one commits a crime and the other, as it is said, stands guard. Both are condemned. And he’s going to say, “But I didn’t do it.” Yes, you participated with your consent. The same goes here. So, those, because they didn’t keep their minds where they should’ve, but also you who contributed to such a thing. Go as you wish. I’m not, as they say, the arbiter of the law here, but do you want to benefit? Go with respect. And you will receive both respect and benefit from God. So here we must pay great attention to this matter.
So, it is everyone’s freedom, even though there, at my place, you see, only men come, right? And I set some rules, not that those rules are (…) but to respect that place. Entering the church with long sleeves, dressed modestly. And some would say, “Father, but it’s hot!” But we who have so many layers of these black garments, don’t we feel hot? We feel hot too. And we don’t stay for a day like you come, we go to church every day. And, glory to God, we move forward. None of us died.
I mean, do you suffocate wearing a long-sleeved shirt when you come to church? At least out of respect for God. And that’s why I said, you give respect, you get respect. You go, and instead of kissing the icon of the Mother of God on the hand of the Mother of God, the garment or the little foot of the Savior, you go and put your hand on the face of the Mother of God. Do you think you will receive help? If you go to a normal woman, let’s say on the street, and you say that you respect her and then you go and put your hand on her face, what will she say? Well, she will take off her shoe and hit you on the head with the heel: “Are you making fun of me?” And you tell her, “I did it out of respect.” That’s not respect.
Go with humility, ask for her help, consider yourself unworthy to kiss her icon and see how much grace you’ll receive. That’s why I say: “Hey, are you going to church? Go benefit from it.”
Iuliana Lazăr: But related to this humility, I understand and please tell me if I understand correctly, a kind of discretion. Because after all, it’s not wrong to put on a good coat if I go to church.
Fr. Pimen Vlad: But no one says [not to]. Put on Armani, put on whatever you want. No one says [not to], but don’t be exaggerated in your clothing, meaning don’t stand out. Try to be discreet at church, as you said. So that’s exactly it, to be discreet. You don’t go to be seen by people; you go to be seen by God, and God sees you based on your spiritual state, not your exterior. And if you go humbly, of course, you won’t wear who knows what clothes because you want to be as discreet as possible in your corner.
Iuliana Lazăr: You know that many say that the greatest misfortunes in this world and wars have started from women as well.
Fr. Pimen Vlad: Yes, there have been. The fall of Troy, it also started with a woman. As they say, that war that began there. And other kingdoms, this thing existed too. The moment when certain things are exceeded. There was a saying: “Behind every strong man, there is a stronger woman,” something like that. Always, when a woman has been involved in politics or these matters, problems have arisen, indeed. When she lost her role as a mother. I mean, she got involved and so on, but, if she had remained a mother, with that love, with that simplicity, she would have done good things in politics. But when that aspect diminished completely and she only assumed the role of empress, of queen, she ended up causing disasters.
Iuliana Lazăr: Alright, and starting with Adam and Eve, with the same story, that it was Eve’s fault.
Fr. Pimen Vlad: Yes, there we can’t just say it’s all Eve’s fault, because, you see, if Adam had said, “I have sinned, Lord,” it would’ve been over. And then, if Eve had said in her turn, “I have sinned, Lord.” I mean, we can’t just blame that thing, because maybe, let’s say that it wasn’t Eve, it was just Adam. And maybe at some point, he could’ve also been tempted to eat. We can’t blame saying, that’s it, only the woman is to blame and that’s that. Here we see human weakness. When God made us, He made us with all the qualities, but we were in a spiritual growth.
We had not reached spiritual maturity. And we got lost along the way, as they say, we deviated. The temptations came, the devil also got involved with his business, and in this way, this fall started. You may have seen in my videos, I have talked about women and I’ve said – as there, a lot of men came to me, each one with his own problems and then I would shake them off. Wait a minute, but how did you get here? How? What happened?
“Well, father…”
“Did you get married out of love?”
“Out of love, father.”
“How long did it last?”
“Well, for about three years it was…”
“And how is it now? And was she beautiful when you married her?”
“Beautiful, father.”
“Did you love her?”
“I loved her, father,” and so on.
“Yes, good. And how is she now?”
“Father, you should see her, it’s a disaster.”
“So, if you took her from her parents beautiful, good, full of joy, with so many qualities and now, after ten years, she is in this state, it means that you brought her to this state.”
Because she wasn’t like that, he even admitted that she had all the qualities and after ten years, you tell me she is not like that and look what has become of her. It means that you contributed to her decline as a man. You didn’t know how to take care of her. And that’s why I compared her to a flower, to a rose. You bought it in bud, beautiful, and brought it home. And that rose can become a beautiful rich bush of roses, or it can wilt, its leaves can fall, its petals can drop, leaving only the thorns. I say, this is also the woman. You give her sunlight, you give her water, you take care of her, she will become a rich bouquet of roses, because there will be children, all will be around her, or she may end up just being that thorny stem. When you hug it, you get pricked, as nothing is left, no flowers, no leaves, meaning you brought her to this state.
That’s why, I always have the habit, when twenty people come, “Let me ask you, when was the last time you gave your wife a flower?” One says, “Oh, I gave her the day before yesterday,” another says, “Oh, I don’t remember,” another such-and-such, yes. Then, “When was the last time you gave her chocolate, a gift, something?” “Well, father, after twenty years of marriage, would I still be doing such things?” “Yes, on the contrary, now more than at the beginning, to maintain this love.” So here we lose, meaning, we give up, we take more care of ourselves, and at some point, we no longer take care of the other, until the family is destroyed, and then we wonder why.
So, why is it said that “Love never fails?” It has no age. I mean, that love should be more beautiful at fifty, at sixty, at eighty years old. That is, caring for the other.
Iuliana Lazăr: But because love has no age, is it natural to fall in love, for this love to come at sixty, for example, at seventy?
Fr. Pimen Vlad: Why not? What, haven’t I met women in love? They were head over heels, at fifty, sixty years old. Yes, so this thing exists. Because I would also ask, “Well, what did you find in that person at that age, let’s say?” They replied, “His attention. That’s it, that’s what won me over. His attention and care, that delicacy, that was it for me.” It didn’t matter how that person looked, or that he was old. Well, “That attention,” she says, “blew me away.”
Iuliana Lazăr: For example, there’s a widow, her husband died ten years ago, and she fell in love with someone else. Is it a sin?
Father Pimen Vlad: But why should it be a sin? Because I’ve encountered cases. Look, just recently a woman came to me. She was about sixty years old, I think. She wasn’t in love, but she wanted to find someone, “No, father, it’s not a physical need for anything like that, it’s just that I need someone by my side, to lean on someone’s shoulder. To go on a walk, to have a chat. I mean, I need someone by my side not for these other things, but just to know that I have someone next to me, someone to support me, someone to be there for me, for me to help him, to prepare a warm meal for, that kind of thing.” So, this need is felt because God has left, as I said, this natural attraction between man and woman, and until both die, they have this thing.
It’s another thing when we go to the monastery and go against the course, as they say, we struggle. It’s not that for us that doesn’t exist, as many say. I was discussing, look, even with Fr. Iulian, my spiritual father, he was 97 years old, I had him, and we were discussing when the man was about 80 years old. We were discussing such details and he said, “You see me at 80 years old. Do you think I don’t have certain things that I still … – it does not exist at the level of the body, but at the level of the mind or other things – certain things that still persist?”
So, it doesn’t mean that as long as you are on earth you reach (…) because many see you and I tell them, “Hey, but what, are you looking to see my wings, or what?” Come on, we are human, we eat food, we drink a glass of water, we rejoice, we play, we laugh, I mean, we are human. I mean, I never accept the idea that a person should be placed above human. “Oh, no, because you are an angel, because you are…” so-and-so, they’re starting. Hey, where did you get these things from?
A man like all the others, only we are struggling with these things. Sometimes we stumble, we get up again, but we don’t miss our target. The direction is Christ, and until you get there, you can stumble a hundred times, scrape your knees, but you get up again and go on. That’s all, it’s this struggle. The natural exists, as I said, but we struggle with ourselves not to lose our direction towards Christ. And Christ, whenever we fall, stretches out His hand and lifts us up.
Iuliana Lazăr: Among these lower vices, we are not talking about high-level struggles, as you have said in so many interviews. What vices does a monk in the Holy Mountain struggle with?
Fr. Pimen Vlad: Well, now you are entering the secrets of the monks. The greatest struggle is at the level of the mind. This is the biggest struggle, especially in the Holy Mountain. Because you do not have contact with the rest, with all these worldly things. Why at the level of the mind? If you manage to get on your feet at the level of the mind, with prayer, keeping your mind focused, all the other things flow naturally. So, the biggest battle is at this level. Thoughts of any kind can come to you, they could also be of judgement.
Let’s say you just stay there, in prayer, and the other things fade away. But you find yourself many times, you see that guy entering the church, “Look at how he is making the sign of the cross… Is that what that guy is doing…” [This is so that] the devil will distract your mind, for you not to pray, and then you get lost in these things. The greatest struggle is at the level of thoughts.
Iuliana Lazăr: I heard you say earlier that you had coffee today. Is it a sin to drink coffee?
Fr. Pimen Vlad: But why should it be a sin? It even gives me a good mood if I drink it. So, no, what happens? There was actually a doctor came, because people had brought me heart doctors, finding out that I have problems with my heart, and I kept refusing them. Look, I know what I have, and in the end, there came two of them once with a group: “Father, but we came specially.” “Fine, alright,” he took my blood pressure, and so on. After that, he deduced, based on everything I told him I have, he says, “Father, how many coffees do you drink a day?” I say, “One coffee.”
Before, I used to drink one a week only at Vigils, before the Vigil I would drink one coffee, and that’s it. Well, in time, since I like it with milk, now that there are so many methods and vegan milk, I say, a little coffee and the rest milk, and I drink it like that. “Look, switch to two to regulate your heart rate”, he says, “this will help you. At two, exactly, the right blood pressure is achieved,” or so. So not in the sense that coffee would be harmful. Coffee, never.
Let’s think about Elder Joseph the Hesychast, who was a true ascetic. Always, before the Vigil, he would indicate a coffee to his disciples. What was he doing? In order not to taste it, he mixed the coffee with water, and he didn’t even boil it, so as not to indulge in it. But a coffee helps, and even Venerable Paisios says it, it helped during the Vigil. And then if something like this helps you for the better, how can it be bad? Ah, to spend the whole day with coffee beside you until you don’t know what’s happening to you and you ruin your health, that’s another matter. So, anything that is done in moderation does not harm.
Drinking [alcohol]. Drinking does not harm; have a glass at dinner, but when you grab the bottle, it’s over (and you drink it all down). So, you harm yourself and you destroy others as well. I mean, these things, even the doctors say: Moderation in everything maintains a healthy body. And not just the body; the soul is healthy too if you have a connection with God.
Iuliana Lazăr: You have been asked this question before, but I would like to clarify it in this interview as well. Why don’t women enter the Holy Mountain?
Fr. Pimen Vlad: Consider that Athos has, well, setting aside Antiquity, but it has almost two thousand years since the Mother of God came there. It has never been deserted in two thousand years. Look at all the places in this world, Christian ones, not the others, the mountains that have been, Olympus of Bithynia and others, they’ve had moments of desolation, of destruction of everything that existed there, of churches, of everything. The Mother of God didn’t allow this to happen to Athos. It came to be under the Turks, there were pirates coming, burning, doing things. But to end up desolated, that never happened. It was under the protection of the Mother of God. And let’s think about something else, there is a prophecy that says: “The moment women enter the Holy Mountain, let the monks leave. The grace of the Mother of God will be taken away from above the Holy Mountain.”
Consider that the Mother of God decided this, and the first miracle and the decision of the Mother of God was during the time of Emperor Theodosius, who, as we know, lived around [the year] 400 and something. His son went from Constantinople to Rome by ship. And a storm arose, he was about nine years old and he went out on deck to watch the sailors pulling the sails, as the ships were back then. And a big wave came and threw him into the water. There being a storm, of course, who would find him?
This was happening somewhere offshore, about 5 km from the shore. The storm ended, a few hours passed, the sailors settled down but were desperate because the emperor’s child had been entrusted to them and they were going back without him. And after it settled down, they gently pulled the ship to shore, thinking: “What do we do now? At least maybe we can find the body of the child who fell in the middle of the sea.” And when they reached the shore, they found the child sleeping under a bush, peacefully. And they got scared, they went: “Child, what are you doing here?” “Well, what should I be doing? But what happened?” And he says: “At the moment I fell into the sea, a woman with a Child in her arms took me, brought me here, and laid me in the sun here,” as it was sunny there, “to dry me, and she said, ‘Stay calm and rest because the sailors will come to take you later.’” And he, being shaken by the waves, as they say, and now with the sun shining, fell asleep.
And then they understood the miracle of the Mother of God. And then they went to the emperor and told him, and the emperor said: “I want to build a monastery on that spot!” And he built the Vatopedi Monastery, which in Greek means “the child under the bush” that’s the translation. And he built this monastery, made beautiful icons, everything. Well, the emperor also had a daughter, who, after the monastery was built, said: “I also want to go to the monastery to worship in the church built by my father.” When she entered the church, there was an icon on the left, which still exists today, of the Mother of God, which became as if alive in the icon. And she said: “Hold on, stop! The monastery has a Queen, and the Holy Mountain has a Queen. From this day on, women are not to enter the Holy Mountain.”
That was the command of the Mother of God from then on. And the woman withdrew, and later, after the fall of Constantinople, we know that the emperor’s wife was Empress Mara of the King of Serbia, who, given the political circumstances, was obliged to marry the sultan but on the condition that he would allow her to remain in the Orthodox faith. And then she, wherever the Turks were conquering, would go as far as she could, she had her people with her, so that the icons, the treasures, the holy relics would not be burned, she collected them as much as she could. And in this way, after the fall of Constantinople, the gifts of the Magi were there: gold, myrrh, and frankincense. And they came into her possession. And then, what did she think? “Where should I give them? So that I don’t keep them,” meaning to a monastery.
At the Monastery of Saint Paul, to which we, the Lacu Skete, belong, at that time about half of the community was Serbian. Half Greek, half Serbian. And then she says: “Well, my people are there. I’m going to give them these relics, but I want to give them personally.” And she set out for the monastery with her retinue. Exactly halfway there, the Mother of God appeared before her and said: “Woman, what are you looking for here? Why have you come to be a stumbling block for my sons? Do you know that women are not allowed? Leave your gifts and go back, so that nothing bad happens to you.” She bowed before the Mother of God, asked for forgiveness, the fathers came out, she offered them the gifts, and left. And now there is like a small chapel to remind of this miracle.
So, we see how the Mother of God took care of this matter. Why did she decide this? To keep the Holy Mountain as pure as possible. Because, normally, with women and children coming, there are temptations and it turns everything upside down. To maintain the peace of the Holy Mountain as much as possible and its purity, let’s say, the Mother of God desired this.
Iuliana Lazăr: Forgive me if I may be going too far, but it practically sounds like women make it impure.
Fr. Pimen Vlad: It’s not about that. Let’s return to what I said. The attraction between man and woman is left by God, right? So, this exists; it doesn’t mean that if you are a monk, you don’t have this attraction. Well, the closer you have this attraction, the greater it becomes. I mean, to have it all the time close to you…it becomes greater; it goes to the level of the mind. There can be moments of falling, temptations, these things, because you have them. Exactly like being addicted, let’s say, to alcohol, right? If you don’t have the alcohol, you give up at some point. If the bottle is in the cupboard there all day, you go to it and get your hands on it. It attracts you.
Well, it’s the same with this; the woman herself is not bad, but because of human weakness, as God placed this attraction, the Mother of God allowed it not to exist there, so that the monks could fight more easily. So, both sides are weak. Therefore, she placed this barrier so they could maintain themselves better and closer to God. Because it’s different to have a family, yes, they are together and so on, but there, you see, the monks are alone, and then a kind of monastic country was formed, just for monks. And that’s why there was the attempt to preserve this there.
Iuliana Lazăr: It’s a paradox in your life because you’ve been living in Athos for 30 years, you sought this ascetic life, but today, you are known, I believe, all over the world.
Fr. Pimen Vlad: I ran away the most from people and ended up being the most known.
Iuliana Lazăr: Exactly, that’s why I say it’s a paradox. How do you live with this paradox?
Fr. Pimen Vlad: I always look at myself. Who am I? An elder even asked me, he said: “Well, doesn’t it affect you a bit, that people…?” If I were to take what people say about me seriously, yes, I would bang my head against the ceiling all day, I would puff myself up, but I look at who I am. And when they say such and such, yes, I look at myself: “Oh, if you knew who I am…” I talk to myself, I mean, I’m always like, hey, I’m human too, I don’t fly, I eat, I do human things. What makes me better than others? Because everyone does these things. I try, if the Mother of God called me there, I struggle for her love as much as I can on this path… so many people struggle, even in the world, so what makes me better than others?
And if the Mother of God allowed a man like me, as I say, a poor 10th grade graduate – which I barely passed, because, well, in the countryside, we were nine siblings, [there were] sheep, cows, we would come back from school, [and have to] take the cow from
I had even seen a comment once… I only look at the comments rarely, sometimes. “Oh, sure, you talk all day and just sit on the internet instead of praying!” But what do I do? I make a twenty-minute recording once a week, alone in the garden, with no one around. I hand it over, because Fr. Theologos is in charge, as he is skilled at it, I’m not interested in that, and that’s it. So, twenty minutes in a week. But that recording, some cut from it, others do this and so it spreads all over the world. And seeing that there are so many, the person says, “Oh, you’re on the internet all day.” So that’s what he understood. From twenty minutes, he saw a continuous week on the internet, because this has multiplied, that’s why I say. I never sit and look at what people say.
Some praise me, lift me up, others rebuke me. Neither one nor the other. I look at who I am. I go to my cell in the evening and I ask myself, “What did you do today? Such and such. Have you done anything good? Did you accept bad thoughts? Did you do such and such? Alright, you see who you are. And God has left us something, for me, every few days everything is erased.
People come, “Father, you know, I was here last month, you know we talked for an hour?” “Well, I feel like I know him from somewhere, but I don’t know where,” I don’t remember anything, or, “Father, but you know we talked about such and such.” I say, “Remind me, maybe something will come back to me, so I know how to connect the conversation.” No, so somehow everything is erased, all of it. And [because of] this I always rejoice every day, as if it’s a new day, I am born anew. That is, things remain in the past.
I never sit down to start turning over people’s problems in my mind. The person has left; their problems have gone too. And this helps me. I always look at who I am. And that’s why, at home, those who come know, it’s full of flowers that I take care of. I take care of all these things, that’s where I live, I am myself. And that’s why, the moment you are in the spotlight, as they say, and you start blundering, it’s over. I mean, you are no longer yourself, you live for others. But not in a good way, in a bad way, so that others praise you. And then it’s over.
Iuliana Lazăr: But how do you know that your words are helpful to people?
Fr. Pimen Vlad: I see the people who come. So many people come, there isn’t a day without someone coming to say that because of the recordings their life has changed. He has a spiritual father… he who didn’t believe in anything. So, there isn’t a day without someone coming. And then, you realize that what you said still helps someone.
Or on the street, I meet people, “Father, I want to thank you!” “For what? Because I don’t know you.” “You changed my life. I, who didn’t believe in anything, now I have taken this path, in this way, I have a spiritual father, I confess, I go to church.” I have this constant contact and I realize that what I say reaches someplace. As long as it reaches someplace and changes a soul for the better, because it says in the Holy Scripture that “he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.”
And I hope that maybe, for those people who are changing, God will have mercy on me too, “Come on, come over here, at least to this corner, I’ll put you here!” As someone told me that I am a gardener in the Garden of the Mother of God, I say, “I would like to be a little gardener in Heaven, in a corner there, you know?”
Iuliana Lazăr: Let’s return to the idea of a Christian woman. How should the relationship between a woman and her spiritual father be?
Fr. Pimen Vlad: The relationship between a woman and her spiritual father should be exactly that of a father and daughter. Nothing more. It should not be a friendship. Because we know and have been talking for so long, that the attraction between a man and a woman exists. It leads to the other extreme over time if it turns into friendship. Father and daughter. She should never lose her respect for him as a father, as a spiritual father, and he, the respect for her as a daughter. Because this thing will last in the future, until the end, for both to truly benefit. And there should not be dependency.
You go with love, you confess, you say everything, you are absolved, you are given advice, and you go on with your life. And that’s why I tell them, when women would come, “Father, it’s like this,” it led to dependence, “Run!” “Father, but I can’t!” “Run! Do you want to benefit? If not, then go downhill altogether! Go, there are so many spiritual fathers in this country. Go!” And I’ve been telling them – someone even asked me – “Don’t choose your spiritual father by beautiful eyes, never!” saying, “I’m going to that one because I like his eyes.” You’ve already gone astray from the start if you went to him he has beautiful eyes, because later you will fall in love with those eyes. And it’s over again. No.
Go to the one you know listens to you, has patience, it doesn’t matter how old, regardless, but one that knows you can go, you can tell him, he listens to you, gives you advice, and you can have your private life in your family, alone, however you want, in freedom. Because any loss of freedom is just like a passion, when you can’t stop drinking, you are addicted to that, you have no freedom. Permanently, wherever you go, you are careful to have the bottle next to you. You are addicted to smoking, wherever you go, the first thing is to have the pack in your pocket, lest you run out of cigarettes.
It says that any addiction separates us from God. Because it intervenes between us and God. You don’t think about God, you think about that thing, lest you miss it, because you are addicted to it. And I say to many, “Hey, but have all the men in this world run out? Go, choose whomever you want. But keep this one as a spiritual father, just to benefit from as a spiritual father, and you’ll see the rest later.
Iuliana Lazăr: And in the opposite situation?
Fr. Pimen Vlad: If you see that your spiritual father exceeds a limit, likewise, “Greetings Father, forgive me! I’m going to another spiritual father. You ask for his blessing, that’s the right thing to do. But if he doesn’t give it to you and you see that he holds onto this, you can leave without it. So here I don’t encourage leaving without a blessing, but if you see that dependency on his part begins, then there’s no need to tell him. To avoid something, you take your leave and go. You don’t go and start playing with this. You ruin yourself and you bring him down too, if he has a weak point. So, you need to be careful, regardless of the situation, whether it starts with you or with him, you need to cut it off in time. That’s the only way out.
Like with anything, with any passion. Cut it off, and you’re free from it. If you haven’t cut it off, that’s it.
Iuliana Lazăr: As we approach the end, what advice do you have for women today? How should a woman be?
Fr. Pimen Vlad: First of all, never forget to have the Mother of God as a model in everything. After that, to be true mothers. I like the women that are mothers the most. Wherever I go, when I meet women that are mothers, I feel something in their gaze; they have a special love. Because they have that baby, so when you look at a woman who takes care of that child, she becomes so beautiful, it seems like she overflows with love through everything. And all the women who are married, who have the chance, given by God to have children, to not kill them. They must become mothers, because mothers are the most beautiful women. They must not forget this. Because she takes something divine within her when she gives life.
As she — don’t we see? Where did God put the child? In the mother’s womb, where she can bring her hands and protect the child all the time. And that’s why women should not lose their path of being mothers, of being light, joy, and peace in the home. So, the woman has some gifts that the man does not have. But if she loses them or buries them, she is accountable before God. And then, this is revealed a lot when the woman becomes a mother. It changes her completely. That’s the message, as they say. And then she will see that she will also be happy. If not, everyone takes responsibility for what they do.
Iuliana Lazăr: Father Pimen Vlad, thank you very much for all these words. We hope they will be useful this time as well to all those who watched us.
Fr. Pimen Vlad: We hope so!
Iuliana Lazăr: And we look forward to having you on other occasions at Trinitas TV.
Fr. Pimen Vlad: As the Mother of God wills. I have told them with all my love, for their benefit. Further, they will reach where they need to, according to the Mother of God.
Iuliana Lazăr: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you as well for your attention! See you soon!
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