The Myrrh-Bearing Women, christian woman and the love – Fr. Theologos

On Myrrh-bearing Women Sunday, the Orthodox Church celebrates the Myrrh-bearing Women as a living icon of devotion and sacrificial love for Christ. Unlike March 8 (Woman’s Day in Romania), this holiday calls us to a deep spiritual look at the role of women in the family, the Church and society. The material explores how the grace of Christ is the only true source of love, the importance of complementarity between man and woman, the significance of the Myrrh-bearing Women’s courage and practical steps for a family life full of attention, obedience and virtue. Discover how to live these truths in everyday life in order to be saved together.

Enjoy!

Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen. Through the prayers of our Holy Fathers, O Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on us! Amen. Christ is Risen!

My dear ones, soon it will be the Sunday of the Myrrh-Bearing Women, and with it, the feast of women who love Christ. You see, these women loved Christ so much that they disregarded everything else – notice that at the Crucifixion, the twelve Apostles, strong and broad, fled, except for St. John the Theologian, who was young at that time, while the Myrrh-Bearing Women stood with the determination of love at the Lord’s feet, inspired both by their love for their Heavenly Bridegroom and, on the other hand, by the example of the Mother of God. The Apostles, more rational and colder, all abandoned Him as I said, fearing the Jews and believing that everything was over.

You see, the gesture of the women at the Crucifixion was one of love and not so much of reason, because, ultimately, they could have suffered harm in the very tense atmosphere there. We see that a woman thinks more with a warm heart than with dry reason, and because of this, some men have very toxic thoughts that women do not think. On the contrary – women do think, and sometimes very deeply, but in a different way from men. Do you understand? Failure to understand this is one of the most common ways misunderstandings and dramas arise in love. Speaking of which, to be honest, I love God much more for having made flowers than iron, because flowers can be used for nothing else but to make life more beautiful and to express interpersonal love. Do you understand?

Okay, this is not a rational answer; it is a supra-rational, loving one. Brethren, reason is necessary, but reason confines a person and does not allow for resurrection, for flight. You see that the greatest saint – greater than any other saint – is the Mother of God. Yes, that is so, and it is not by chance, you should know. On the other hand, you might tell me that sin came through Eve – and that is not by chance either. Why? Because, as I said, a woman is much more sensitive, and therefore it is very, very important whom she obeys. This is not proof of a woman’s mental inferiority, brethren, but, as I said, of her sensitivity. Let’s not have such thoughts.

In fact, the greatest saints come from among the monks, that is, from among the obedient. It is important whom we obey. I recall a famous case from history, that of Saint Kassiani. She was born at the beginning of the 9th century in Constantinople into a wealthy family and was extraordinarily beautiful and intelligent. She was phenomenal. The moment the young Theophilus, the emperor, the prince, if you will, wished to marry, a call was sent throughout the country and the most worthy and beautiful girls gathered so that Theophilus could choose his wife. Theophilus chose Kassiani and gave her a golden apple, the sign of his choice, and said to her: “From woman came the basest” – meaning through woman, through Eve, sin entered the world. To which Saint Kassiani replied, “And through woman the most cherished,” referring, of course, to the Theotokos. Theophilus was wounded in his pride and ultimately chose Theodora – that is, Saint Theodora Augusta, another great saint who suffered greatly at the hands of her husband, who was a heretic, a fierce iconoclast and more. Saint Kassiani went on to found a monastery and became one of the most well-known hymnographers and poetesses in Orthodoxy – her hymns are still used in worship today. Of course, the most famous, brethren, is the troparion of Kassiani, which is sung at the end of the stichera at Matins on Great and Holy Wednesday. Speaking of suffering and delicacy, Theophilus the emperor also whipped Saint Kassiani because of her Orthodoxy, he being, as I mentioned, a heretic.

We must understand that a woman, because of love and obedience, can progress much better in spiritual life than a man; however, she can also be misled much more easily if she does not ask. The problem is whom to ask. In the case of Saint Kassiani, she had close ties with the Studion Monastery, of Saint Theodore the Studite. There were other saints there as well.

Because of the necessity of dependence, Saint Apostle Paul says that “the wife must respect (fear) her husband” in the famous Apostolos passage read at the wedding. This is not fear in the sense of terror, even though, sadly, there are men who behave terribly and provoke such fear; rather, it is fear in the sense of attentiveness and respect, as I was saying. I mean, let’s make it clear that even for men it is not good to be independent because they become very hardened. I know examples. God made us to be obedient beings. Through obedience, we are saved. Together we are saved; to hell we go alone. We must seek ways and opportunities to be obedient and not devise strategies and occasions to impose our will on others. In fact, the only strategy, so to speak, by which we make others obey us— and which is validated by God—is when we obey them first. Do you understand?

You should know, however, that it’s obedience that leads to Resurrection, not tyranny. Tyranny leads to crucifixion. Obedience leads to resurrection. See that Christ got to the Cross through obedience and through it to the Resurrection. All tyrants have been swallowed by the darkness of death in history. Only through obedience in Christ do we rise. Of course, obedience in Christ is necessary, meaning that through obedience we do not burden ourselves with sins. Not every obedience, I said, is validated by Christ, but only virtuous obedience. It is very important whom we obey. True love accepts oikonomia in order not to generate tensions, not to escalate unpleasant situations, but we must be careful not to burden ourselves with sins, brethren, for the sake of a so-called love that may contain distortions. Do you understand?

Due to the fact that the man has a psychosomatic structure different from that of the woman, their obediences will also be different. The roles of the two are different. God made everything with wisdom. The man will not make his wife chop wood, but will bring her flowers and protect her, because the woman is much more delicate and gets discouraged much more easily. The fact that the Myrrhbearers stood at the Cross shows their tremendous courage, which comes from the tremendous love with which they were nourished. The woman who tries to act like a man without Christ will not succeed at all, brethren, and feels lonely, unfulfilled, tormented, and torments those around her, even if, based on her intelligence, she may succeed in business and have a certain social status. The woman is attracted to the man, as stated in Genesis; however—once again— this is not a sign of weakness, but of delicacy. I say this because there are certain men who exploit this to the detriment of women and, especially, of themselves. Truly traumatic phenomena can occur—even a cult of personality sometimes.

Now, you must understand that this attraction from women, unlike men, is not primarily a physical attraction but, as I said, women seek protection. The fact that today we are taught that love means only sex is a great, great tragedy, brethren, and it causes great dramas. People in general, women in particular, no longer have the courage to love. And if they do, they no longer have the courage to express themselves. Do you understand? Closely linked to protection is also the chivalrous, sometimes even heroic nature of the man. Sacrifice is the proof of love, and the woman always responds. Women, brethren, you should know that they respond a hundredfold both to love and to indifference, to negligence.

You see, our Lord Jesus Christ was the perfect Man who loved and loves perfectly beyond any limit of time and space, and because of this, the Myrrhbearers not only stood at the foot of the Cross despite all hope when it would have been wiser to leave, but also afterward went alone early on Sunday morning, at the break of dawn, to the tomb guarded by soldiers, while the Apostles shivered locked away in fear of the Jews. Do you understand? The Myrrhbearers disregarded everything and did everything for the love of their Bridegroom, inspired by the Mother of God, as I was saying. Speaking of the Myrrhbearers and those with them, you see that Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus were heroic at the moment they dared to go and ask Pilate for the body of Christ in that explosive atmosphere.

Brethren, heroism is not reckless but full of wisdom and discernment. You see, Nicodemus came to Christ at night when he could find Him alone to learn and have a more extended discussion. One must act wisely and without causing too much of a stir. Saint Paul says that we must be heroic, dedicate our lives, and care for our wives and families just as Christ has done with the Church. The hero, brethren, must still be gallant and not forget to smile from time to time. The ladies should appreciate this and be submissive to their husbands just as the Church is to Christ. The big problem arises when one of the two does not understand their role, and this is most often the man. I don’t know if you are aware, but in the United States, the Pentagon conducted a study showing that 77% of men are unfit for military service because they suffer from nervous disorders, are addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, and/or are obese, overweight. Beyond that, brethren, most are unfit due to a combination of causes; there isn’t just one cause. Here, however, in our discussion, I am not only referring to the fact that today many men do not want to go to war if necessary and prefer to flee the country alone, but I am referring to much more common issues. For example, paradoxically, a man forgets his role as a knight and hero the moment he focuses too much on work and career under the pretext that he “brings home the bacon,” and with this pretext, he neglects his family.

Brethren, heroism requires faith in Christ. Do you understand? Brethren, this is very, very serious because the woman and the family are deprived of what they need most: love and personal example. The example and love of the husband in the case of the wife, and the love and example of the father in the case of the children. Do you understand? There is a need for example and love. I know that sometimes it is difficult, but always, always we must put people first and not material things, business, or possessions. People were made to be loved, and things to be used. Our tragedy is that we tend to use people and love things, material things. Brethren, to show our love, it is not so much about money as about time, attention. If we do not give time to people, our relationship will not work, no matter what steals our time – starting from the cell phone and ending with business or, perhaps sometimes even worse, other people outside the family who distract us from the family and with whom we should not have any ties.

Brethren, we must focus on God and through God, through His spiritual and pure love, love others, and for that, we must give time. Time. If we don’t give time and attention, it will not work.

Let me give you a case: I know someone, brethren… this is the second Prince Charming! Brethren, I don’t want to offend. Very handsome, tall, goes to the gym, muscular, young, very, very rich, public figure – of course I can’t say who he is. What can I tell you, brethren, the little prince of the mountains. He married a very beautiful woman and had several children with her. Our man, busy with his business and problems, told his wife: “You have a thousand euros in cash from me every day – pocket money, for daily expenses”. For whatever she wanted. This, of course, beyond credit cards, Porsche, and other things that came with it. And she left him. For someone older, to be honest, uglier and poorer than him. Why? Because the latter gave her attention, gave her time.

Do you understand? Without time, there is no feeling of love. The difference between loving someone and liking someone is the capacity for sacrifice. I can sacrifice myself for someone I love, I can give them my time and my attention – while for someone I like, I am much more reserved – I only sacrifice my time to a very limited extent or not at all. Regarding the practical evidence of love, beyond time and gifts – yes, brethren, we must bring flowers to the ladies! – the integrity of our character is also paramount. That is, brethren, we must tell the truth, not lie. Of course, when we are angry, it is better for both of us to remain silent so that the dark wave of anger passes, but when peace is restored, we must be careful not to lie. We must always be careful not to put ourselves in a position to lie and we must always be honest. We must be watchful of ourselves.

Brethren, lying is an existential distortion – it won’t last over time. You know how it is? It’s like a steel strip of reality that you try to bend, to distort. How long will you keep it bent? It’s like a ball that you try to hold underwater. How long will you keep it there? How much effort will you put in? At some point, it will still pop out. Do you understand? I even made an entire video on the topic of truth and lies.

Let me tell you about a case. I now remember someone who came to talk to us, and I asked him at the beginning out of politeness how old he was because he had graying hair, quite a few white strands, and he was somewhat unshaven, with a beard that was also turning white, but he was dressed bohemian and relatively more modern, as far as I could tell. His behavior showed a young man aged before his time. As I said, I asked him how old he was, and when he told me he was 35 years old – something like that – I was stunned because he looked much older. I asked, of course, why? Why do you think? Because he lied continuously and was cheating on his girlfriend. He had a girlfriend for many years – the same girlfriend. But because he was charming, stylish, and used compassion and feeling as a weapon, he could not resist and continuously had other women whom he frequently changed. He cared deeply for his girlfriend, but his helplessness, the adultery that destroys the body, and the tension of the lies in which he constantly lived aged him, disintegrated him, finished him off, and destroyed his soul long before his time. Do you understand?

Brethren, let us not lie, for great love dramas occur. You should know that the greatest dramas a person – as the image and likeness of God, the loving One – can go through are love dramas. In fact, if a person loves and feels loved, they can lose everything materially and not be affected at their core. Of course, this is not desirable, but it is not the end of the world. However, if one is wounded in love, it can be as if an atomic bomb explodes inside them. It is a great problem, brethren, it can be a major problem, even one that cannot be overcome without prayer and a spiritual father to help with the grace of God. The young person can close themselves off and remain traumatized, unable to love for a very long time, if not for their entire life. God forbid!

Here, Orthodoxy as a therapeutic science is essential. Many young people, you should know, brethren, no longer have the courage to love, or if they do, they no longer have the courage to express their feelings for fear of failure in a love relationship. I have said that before and I repeat it. Do you understand? Because they no longer have the courage to love, they become indifferent, they fade away, they become lonely and reduce themselves either to sex, to the body, or to a harsh, mocking judgment of those who sin, and from this they suffer greatly – especially girls, women. Confinement in sex traumatizes them because, as St. Silouan said, it is easier for a woman to love the Lord because by nature she is humbler, endowed with weaknesses by God, and due to her physical inferiority and other weaknesses compared to a man, she can humble herself more. Because of this need for security, jealousy and envy arise, which are much more present in women than in men.

Brethren, if a woman is hurt in her love, which is her core, she becomes like Herodias who said, “Bring me the head of John the Baptist here on a platter!” – she no longer takes anything into account. It is very dangerous if a woman is far from Christ and loves in the wrong way and the wrong person. The woman then uses everything, including her body, which she knows is a formidable weapon, to achieve her goals, even if she does not actually want this. The man is more rational, and for this reason, a woman should listen him to avoid extremes, especially in matters of love. Do you understand? Also, because she is very sensitive and delicate, she is much more changeable and more inclined to listen to her thoughts, which leads to self-deception more easily, as I mentioned. That is why, brethren, spiritual fathers are men, while on the other hand, women desire much more to marry, to have security – and this is very good.

Brethren, unrestrained love, extramarital physical relationships are very destructive for both partners, especially for the woman who desires security, who wants to escape loneliness. Many young people, especially men, sadly, do not realize that the moment they engage in a relationship, it must lead to virtue and not to sin, to life and not to death. Young people must know themselves well in order to choose the complementary partner with whom they can unite, with whom they are compatible, and to struggle in the Church for the purification from passions so that they can fulfill themselves in a relationship and not destroy themselves in loneliness.

Brethren, I am not saying that the physical aspect does not matter, but it matters much less than is commonly believed. What is essential is character – the possibility of the union of souls. The possibility of the union of spirit, each preserving their own specificity, so that the two may be one, as it is said in Genesis. Do you understand? A union, not a fusion, but each fulfilling themselves in this relationship. The main thing that the two must learn is obedience, and because of this, God must come first. This is essential.

Without God, brothers, the relationship doesn’t hold out. To succeed in obedience, they must be continuously watchful of themselves and of others so as not to hurt and to share their roles. The man who is the head of the family, right, must give way to the lady and obey in everyday, small, but very important things – household matters. Men consider these things unimportant, but know that it is more important to raise a child and more important what we eat and what we wear than a complex management or technology problem. Our people’s experience teaches us that these matters, which are very important, crucial, one might say, but do not have a great impact in the space-time continuum – that is, over a large area and a long period of time – it is good to leave them in the hands of the ladies who keep the house, the homemakers. More specifically, what we eat, what we wear, how we arrange the house, interior decorations, and so on – these belong to the ladies. If they feel – and they must be loved – if they feel this love, then they will also obey us. However, if we forget to love and respect them and are continuously aggressive and harsh with them, we will reap what we have sown, and know that if we are sinners, the woman is stronger. We must humble ourselves and love! An oak tree cannot be compared to the delicacy of a lily.

Brethren, now that we have praised women and proven that Christian women are above us men, let me give you an example, a way of thinking, so you can see how women talk to God and how the Saints respond to them, and that we men cannot reach that level – in fact, such a way of being or thinking does not even cross our minds. At a monastery dedicated to Saint Nicholas, there was a nun who prayed during Great Lent to Saint John the Baptist to give her strawberries. Now, brethren, please do not ask me why she did this, why she needed strawberries during Great Lent and especially from Saint John, who is a great ascetic, because the answer is completely behind me. Anyway, she prayed with tears to Saint John to give her strawberries. “Saint John, give me strawberries! Saint John, give me strawberries!” – with tears and a contrite heart, brethren, not like us, who are like stumps. In the end, after many prayers, the Glorious Forerunner appeared before her, and she said with a contrite heart and fell to her knees: “Saint John, give me strawberries!” But the Saint said: “Listen, dear? You go to Nicholas, because he fulfills all your wishes!”

Do you understand? Women are immeasurable and incomprehensible by the minds of men. We must humble ourselves and accept them with much love just as they are. You should know that the greatest luxury is spending time together in peace and love with the loved one who loves us. First God, because it cannot be otherwise, and then our life partner. In the case of monks, it is the community, and in the case of laypeople, it is the family. There is no greater joy, no deeper joy – even luxury professors at universities in Italy where the science of luxury is studied say this. Even more so, the Holy Fathers say it. Brethren, I am not joking, neither in the case of luxury professors nor – especially – in the case of the Holy Fathers.

Thank you for allowing me the luxury of being together here! Christ is Risen! Through the prayers of our Holy Fathers, O Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on us! Amen!

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